Happy It’ll Happen Someday

I’m in need of some zingers…recently I have been the recipient of some rather insensitive comments in regards to parenthood. The most memorable of which was on Mother’s Day when my visiting teacher saw me leaving after church and said “Happy M–Happy It’ll Happen Someday!!” I had already sensed that this remark was going from bad to worse so I had quickened my pace to the door which meant that she had to yell that last part across the foyer. I was completely mortified. In my state of shock I tearfully made my way to the car, not knowing how someone could say, let alone yell 🙂 such a thing. Now, I know she meant well, she was trying to be sensitive but that may be the all-time greatest when it comes to crazy comments I get.
This weekend one of our youth conference kids, after staying at our house for 2 days, said “So how many kids do you have?” When I said none, with a bit of a laugh as I’m not sure where I would have stashed them over the weekend, he proceeded to ask if we wanted any. I assured him that we did and he went on to tell me that he did not because they were so much trouble…yata yata yata.
And then there are the ever present words of comfort, “Be grateful, they’re a pain.” “You can have one of mine.” “Just relax” (which would imply that this is all my doing) or “my sister’s brother’s cousin decided to adopt and the next thing you know, they got pregnant!” . It used to be that I could take these little jabs in stride but lately it has become quite a bit harder so I’m asking for help. What can I say besides “Not yet,” “Oh really,” or “I’ve heard of that happening” when people offer unsolicited advice or ask about my reproductive plans??

ps…This post is not intended to make any of you feel bad. Your questions are welcome as they are motivated by concern & love and I truly appreciate your support….I’d could never have made it this far without you.

8 Comments on “Happy It’ll Happen Someday

  1. That definitely has to be the worst one I’ve heard yet. Obviously she wasn’t being aware enough of all the mothering that you do. Wish I had some good answers, I’m sure one of these bloggers will. Only thing I can think of would have been to wish her a “Happy Open Mouth Insert Foot Day!”

  2. I have to agree that’s pretty bad. I’m going to think about this long and hard, but the first one that comes to mind when they start soliciting advice, is solicit them back. Say something like “Well, would you like to make a donation to our “having a baby fund” since you’re so ready for us to have one?” That might shut them up. I dunno- I’ll keep thinking.

  3. Been there, done that, gone through it too. You will survive and be a more sensative person for it. You will never say anything like that to anyone in your life! I love my mother and I know many wonderful moms, but Mother’s Day has never been one of my favorite holidays.

  4. I think that your quandary is the same as it is on the other end. No one really knows what to say, and that’s why they end up saying what they do. I’ll have to think on it for a while. In the meantime, know that you’re a good example and always have been. I admire you more than you know for that.

  5. I think that the next time someone asks you should say something ridiculous, like “Oh, Ritchie and I hate kids, actually, we hate kids, people…everyone in general, so we don’t really feel like it’s the right time to have any.” or maybe you could go with someone Megan at work often says “I just, like, can’t even think about having a baby because it’s going to totally ruin my body. I’ll have to get a BOOB JOB and LYPOSUCTION. And we can’t really afford kids AND these things…” I don’t know. I’ll keeping thinking about this as well. I wonder if she went home feeling awful about what she said. What Aunt Heidi is saying is obviously true, though, you will come out of this a more sensitive, empathetic person. It’s hard to hear people say “Oh I know how you feel” or try to say things like they’ve been in your shoes, because in reality, no one has ever been in your exact shoes. So all I can say is that I see how hard it is for you, and that I look up to you in how you live your life. Sometimes it’s so interesting to me how we humans try to relate to one another. I guess all you can do is try your best to keep shrugging it off. You’re great!

  6. OH MY GOSH! I can’t believe someone said that to you… and your visiting teacher too! I too got tired of the comments people gave me, especially that one from my doctor, remember, “just have a little wine with dinner,”? These sorts of comments, and other people being so nosy about your reproductive life, are so aggravating. People just don’t think before speaking, and it’s none of their business anyway. Obviously, like mom said, they aren’t observing all the mothering that you do.

  7. How about, “I’ll let you discuss that with my fertility doctor… oh, wait, it’s none of your business!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  8. oh that’s horrible. haha, everyone’s comments are pretty funny. you’re great linds, that’s all i can really say, even though I know you weren’t looking for a compliment. it’s none of their business and of course you know the questions won’t stop…so perhaps count to 10? say a little scripture in your head? I’m not sure, but I do think you’re great, that is for sure.

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