Category: Infertility

The Accidental Entrepreneur or The time I tried to buy an ink cartridge and ended up starting a business.

A week and a half ago, after setting the intention to be more budget-conscious I found myself needing a black ink cartridge.  Those things are expensive and I didn’t have enough left in my weekly home management budget to buy one.  I could’ve used…

Abundance is everywhere…

if that’s what you’re seeking.  There was a time when I would focus on all that was missing from a picture like this.  That view was usually wrapped around a desire for more carefree cartwheeling children.  Life is so much richer now that I…

The Middle of a Good Story

A little over two years ago I found myself coaxing my lungs to pull in some air after receiving a blow that reverberated to my soul.   The nurse at our IVF clinic had just informed me that I was no longer carrying the…

This I know. One year later.

A year ago I shared some thoughts with my local congregation and close friends and family after suffering the loss of a briefly held but long-cherished and promised pregnancy.  In my anguish and confusion, I testified of my faith in the love of God…

Vehicle of my Soul

In early January, I found myself face-to-face with some surprising bloodwork and in an effort to understand what was going on with this body of mine, I began to see a new endocrinologist.  She made some pretty severe diet recommendations and encouraged me to…

Experiencing sadness is ok

This week I received a lot of kindness.  I often am the recipient of kindness but I was kind of surprised at the number of people who were “worried” about me.  Perhaps I’m still learning to be an emotive person who showcases more than…

Practicing Compassionate Patience

Since last fall our household has been navigating a substantial disappointment.  In the aftermath of our experience, amidst the agony of confusion, self-doubt, and just plain hurt, I feel unsettled about my ability to trust myself and anyone else, including God.  As I acquaint…

Space for Grief: Fear

And here, all these years later, when I would like to say that I’ve left this struggle behind, honesty dictates a different story.  In the eyes of some, having a baby after infertility is like a pat on the back, “See, there there, it’s…

Space for Grief: Intangibles

Initially I balked at the idea of grieving. Remember we’re talking about infertility here and RJ and I had apparently ordered up the complicated barren variety.   Having witnessed the losses of beautiful lives, both before and after birth, it felt wrong to grieve something…

Space for Grief

After walking timidly across the tan industrial carpet, into my initial appointment with my good psychologist, I sat on the proverbial couch and nervously drew breath.  After a few initial questions, it didn’t take long to begin unearthing some of the struggles that were…